the last thing ill say.

my apology to you
the last thing ill say
is how sorry i am
for being this way
ill never be her
no matter how hard i try
ill only be plain...
...boring me, in your eyes
her complexion is ivory
her eyes light the sky
her smile makes you smile
shes pretty, dont lie
my apology to you
is that i'm only me
i could never be her
i'm all i can be
if i'm not enough
if i cant satisfy
what standards you have
then please, say goodbye
i'm walking away
because i cant be
anything like her
i can only be me.

again.

ive lost one friend
i never had the other
again i have no one
but they have one another
go figure i did this
its always my problem
ill keep it to myself
i wont bother them
ill take these pills
and i'll forget
what i've forgiven
and i'll regret
ill paint the smile
upon my face
as i'm broken, i'm lost
in this desolate place
and i really have nothing
i've scared you away
and its happened before
what more, can i say?
i should be used to it
being completely alone
i threw out my keys
i turned off my phone
ill lay by the window
and stare at the sky
as the night falls on
covers the light in my eyes
ill hang my head
while you hang the stars
you'll be the superstar
while i park cars
i have my acquaintences
but not you anymore
i'm sorry for who i am
i'm a bitch, i'm a whore
i'm an asshole and i'm sorry
for everything i am
i've fucked this up
and now, i dont give a damn
fuck this because i cant
take this any longer
its not true what they say
what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger
that phrase, is a lie
they dont want to say
how it really feels
to feel that way
what doesnt kill you
makes you wish you were dead
so i lie awake
with this pounding in my head
i will never forget
but i'll try to forgive
just dont ask me why
i dont want to live.

keep running.

you're running
with a mission
i place my foot
in the perfect position
i trip you
and you fall for me
you get back up
dust off your knee
i run after you
i try and try
i fix my hair
to catch your eye
you run past
without a glance
i hang my head
without a chance
but still i try
to get a look
but theres no way
you can be shook
so i sit on the stands
and i try to stop
but i cant get away
as i run to the top
i hide in the corner
and i rot away
because you run by
day after day
no matter how hard
i try to trip you
theres absolutely nothing
i can possibly do
i just want a look
some attention please!
im begging, groveling
im down on my knees
but yet...you run by
without a second thought
you cant be written
you cant be bought
so i finally give up
and i try to move on
right when i leave
is when you turn on
you look over
but its seriously, too late
i've walked past the fence
i'm closing the gate
you had your chance
with me at your feet
but you cant have me now
our eyes will never meet
ill walk away now
knowing you were it
without the time of day
yet again, i feel like shit.

lullaby.

out of my body
behind a tree
watching what
is happ'ning to me
i'm walking backwards
as if to say
i'm leaving this place
i'm running away
and the town resumes
its soft lullaby
as if to encourage
my last goodbye
and i keep regressing
into the grass
their emotionless tune
as the times pass
i'm still walking away
and you stand there and see
but you dont do a thing
but sing your song to me
i'm walking and screaming
tears streaming down my face
i just want you to say something
keep me here in this place
but you just keep singing
and its then that i know
all that i've put into this
it was all just for show
the patience that ive had
has all just been a waste
you've broken me the last time
and now i'm the disgrace
well keep singing your song
because i'm still walking away
i'll have no worries of memories
i wont tell you that i'm okay
i'll just disappear into the silence
as this lullaby is wishing me well
i'm leaving this place, unwanted
but that's okay, you've given me hell
you wrote me this song...so...
"thank you" i guess you could say
for breaking my heart,
and watching me walk away.

you are.

you are my sun
you are my beach
when my vacation
is out of reach
you are my birds
you are salty air
you are california
the wind, blowing in my hair
you are my ocean
you are my sunset
you are the memory
that i will never forget
you are my souvenier
you are my laughter
you are my smile
that lingers years after
you are my escape
you are my get away
you are my sailboat
you are my out today
you are my vacation
when im stuck in this town
unusually calm
...as i drown
you are my relax
you are my break
you are my smile
impure from mistake
you are my sand
you are my sandal
you are my california
when this is too hard to handle
you are my love
and you are my star
but words arent enough
to say all that you are.

i love you.

you heart is a forest
and mine is a fire
yours so deep and mysterious
mine full of desire
together we're a match
made in heaven, and hell
but times passed
and time does tell
your hand holding mine
is dangerous, like lightning
what we have is electric
the outcome could be frightning
side by side we're indesctructable
what we have is deep and strong
knowing what we know...
we'll forever belong
arm in arm and side by side
hand in hand and eye to eye
you're my passion, my life
your my everything and i...
i want you to know
that no matter how far
...the distance and space between
or how close that we are
you will forever be my forest
and ill forever be your fire
you'll forever be my heartsong
until the day we retire
when God calls us yonder
above the clouds and stars
i just want you to know
how precious you are.

timeless.

i wish the seconds would quit
the hands would not turn
i wish the clocks would break
i wish that time would burn
i just want it to stop!
just for one day!
i just want to take a break!
i need time away
from TIME!
its ticking and tocking
and the impatience!
stupid timing and clocking
i wish the numbers would fold
i wish the hours would learn
and for me now...
they would never return
i wish the wind wouldnt blow
and the sun wouldnt rise
and i could have this moment
to review and revise
i just need to escape
from this constant thing
to see for once
what timeless means
but time after time
time will not end
time listens to no one
time will not bend
time will keep on
but ill keep wishing it away
then maybe...just maybe
i'll get my wish one day.

forgive me.

you're like a bad taste
on the tip of my tongue
you're the fly in the soup
you're the spot on the sun
you're the hair in my mouth
you're the glitch in the system
sometimes i wonder
why are you with him?
you're the wrong book
on the wrong shelf
you're the one stupid person
who cant take care of herself
you're like a fucking apple
on a fucking pear tree
you ruin everything
you've ruined me
i apologize too much
but forgive me, i'm broken
by your actions, your stares
words you couldnt leave unspoken
you're the wrong colored bead
on that bracelet i made
you broke the pattern
you broke the braid
you left those beads
strewn across the floor
and no one can pick them up
before they roll under the door
into that room
where you ripped out my eyes
and made me your own
you're my disguise
you made me who you want
but who i dont, want to be
you've changed everything
and now, i'm not me.

my life apology.

i've learned one thing
about me, myself
that i shove you aside
like a bible on a shelf
no matter how selfless i say
that i am, i am not
i am ANYTHING but...
i'm all i've got.
i act like YOURE selfish
i act like YOURE to blame
but i'm the professional
at this fucking blame game
i'm the selfish one
i'm so wrong to say
that you're the one
who wants your way
this world revolves
around ONLY ME!
only my life...
that's how its gonna be
but i'm sick of it
i hate being me
i hate being everything
i dont want to be
i hate saying one thing
but doing another
its like i've no humility
no humble cover
i'm sorry for this
and for what i've become
i'm sorry for what ive said
and all that i've (not) done
this is a look at me
through your eyes
i'm shocked, ashamed
and a bit surprised
i'm sorry...very sorry
and i'll change i swear
it's humbling to see
that you still care
after all i've said
after all i've broken
no more of that, now
your eyes have spoken
i'll sweep up this dust
i've blanketed on you
and i'll change who i am
what i say and what i do.
i'm sorry.